today's a royal screwed-up (down?) day.

seriously, it's difficult penning down all the mixed conflicts and feelings that's just buzzing in like some blender on overdrive guzzling on the earth's resources. this reminds me of geog, which was f-ed up big time.

there's no more confidence for me in writing essays because no matter how hard i try it seriously just comes back with an L3/7. (wish they could've added another L3/37 then it becomes 1337 then i'll start pwning everyone) somehow when's it all like this i like to write random stuff to digress and let my mind wonder.

seriously makes me wonder why sometimes the end of years were ever existed though tcy did give us a breakdown on why they were implemented in the RP system. however i haven't really seen much use for it except for forcing people to die by brain knowledge compression and drinking burnt pieces of notes that our science teacher ingeniously just gave us.

somehow contemplation about all that's happen in this very epic roller coaster rush (that's been unfortunately forced upon us by the school) that's all been forced into these days. Damn, seeing my history teacher sign in on msn's seriously creeping me out and i'd wonder how my essays though i friggin hell did mug for it go, because it isn't always the fact the amount of effort you put in = the amount of marks you get.

Damn, i need painkillers. I'm talking rubbish you see, so don't blame me if this post doesn't make sense.

another aspect is that even though you've tried the hardest but it never seems to work and when you just meet Failure in the face you'd known that you've fallen and that you know the whole world just comes crashing down on you and you just feel like dying in one corner where no one can see you. no one cares anyway, not many. they'd all just busy and i don't think most of the them have the time to.

you wouldn't-

on the other hand, there's really been people that's unexpected that's asked whether it's been okay. though it seems like a small action it really goes a long way, at least to me but may not be so to the other people.

i'm not going to talk about the grades because it'll end up with me being even more emotional and it won't really help for my self-esteem i guess if i ever had one. wish that today was tuesday so i'd see if i could join tennis lessons that my mum was taking. then i'd have a few minutes of just channeling all these into the tennis racket to these wretched despicables spheres that i'd dream of blowing all of them away. reminds me of physics and final fantasy where KE = feelings/emotions. don't ask me what those mean, i don't really know as well.

not like i know you any better anymore.

some teacher's really been great such as mrsmartinaong and mreddiechua whose' really said whether tests have been alright and all. it's really been touching when these positions of authority actually step down and step away from the respectable "face" and act like real humans instead of dead roses, if 2A people get what i mean.

i just hope that there's a huge big sword just standing right in front of me and i can address all the problems in the life by just burning them all or hacking them. it's also disturbing how one can just think and think and talk about all these mentally unsound pictures (physics is impossible) and dream in their own little fantasies about taking them all down one by one like those people do in advent children. sometimes i really wish that there's an alternate reality to this where people can take down giants in their lives, figuratively and literally.

buying large swords light enough for me to swing around! anyone?

all's that been's just been turned upside down ever since eoys came around and the life's really changed a huge lot due to the numerous differences in lifestyles. let's see - would i wish this was a few months before? maybe a progress report 1 as a submission for my overall gpa would just be one of the best things, and i'm not even sure if a bare gpa that's inversely proportionate to the amount you study will be there.

not like you will ever be;
you're shining on out of my reach;

that won't stop me.