nothing's like before.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Different trains. | 7:11 AM

I was perfectly o-k at 6PM today, then the night came and facebook was flooded with well-wishes (heehee) and texts and the nervous skyrocketed and thankfully a call came in and......

Flutterbies in my stomach. (I blame Hanis for my horrible butterfly spelling.)

Maybe it's apt we called our performance tomorrow our swan song. I hope we perform tomorrow as people on different trains, people with different stories to tell, but ultimately dancers with one heart and soul :)

I don't know what to feel anymore, but-

I leave everything to You.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

This is why I can't let go. | 9:59 AM

There are some moments and some days in which you just wish that time would stop and repeat all over again. SYF's nearer than ever (1 day away now) and during warm-ups today I kept thinking about how this would be our second-last official practice for the J2s.

There are a hell lot of things i'm going to miss - the music, the beat that really gets into you when it starts, the people, the bimbo moments, the random camwhoring -

There are a lot of these times where I wish that A levels, uni apps, studies, etc didn't have to matter, and we didn't have to think ahead, plan for our future, look in front so much. There are these phases where I wish that things didn't have to move on, things didn't have to go along with time, things didn't have to change.

There are these instances where I look back to last year where we all started our dance journey together - sweet dreams, happy ending, dance night, momentum, laoshi pracs in the mini-lt (gosh it brought back so much memories) and albeit the darker moments where there were struggles in commitment and inevitable sacrifices that had to be made along the way..

Gosh, how am I ever going to survive Thursday. And Final Night. Things are going to suck after we step down ):

1 more day.

1 more day to make and relive the memories.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

promise. | 9:36 AM

It's really quite entertaining to see the new batch of hopeful elects sacrifice their time, effort and hair (?) over the campaigning process. Or rather, the 12 hours of hell hahahahaha that involve little or no sleep at all due to the frenzied proposal-crafting and other what's nots.

Kinda miss the campaigning fever, along with DA (1 year anniversary!) and it really serves as a reminder of how quickly time has passed in the past year or so. Soon enough, we'll get our 31st buddy, then it'll be stepping down, then it'll be As and army...

Somehow at this point of time, I have a feeling that the SYF piece should mean more to me than it currently does. I can think of a thousand ways of how it reflects my life as it is now, but I can't seem to find the emotions to express it.

4 more days :S

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

hello, I wish I would know you. | 9:45 AM

There's something magical about breathtaking dance videos that make me realize how far off I am and yet still fool me into believing that I can do the same.

Someday, maybe. There's always something that brings me back.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

for the last time. | 10:12 AM

The past week has been - crazy.

I'm so glad it's over, and the results are as Weixuan said, are shocking. When I first heard it I was stupefied, in disbelief perhaps. But that quickly changed to ecstasy (not the drug mind you, but at that moment I wouldn't have needed it) as I realised how much they/we've accomplished.

It's not easy hearing from other people how our production was supposed to be the worst, the least prepared, the least intriguing. It's not easy either, hearing about organizational and directorial problems from students and teachers alike.

Amidst all that though, I'm glad I believed in MR DF 2011 :) You guys pulled through to the very end.

Thank you directors for putting in your life and soul into the entire production - from the preparation of the script to the actual blocking and other stuff that you guys managed to accomplish (: Even though you guys had your conflicts, i'm immensely glad (and relieved) to see that you guys managed to work things out and resolve pressing issues in the end. Very maturely, I must say!

Thank you cast for all your nights and tears that were spent in the course of these few weeks - it must've been difficult working on a play like this, and you guys had to sacrifice a lot of your weekends and free time for this event. I've really seen all of you improve A LOT, and I hope you all will bring this experience back next year and perhaps tell Raffles Players that we shan't need to return the pretty trophy just yet.

Thank you crew for all your undying optimism and willingness to do saikang! Being in your position last year, I understand how tough it can be sometimes, and this small gesture is just to show how much you all are really appreciated by MR :D you guys may not get the glory of stage time, but I hope you guys are proud of what you all have done! Without your help this wouldn't have been able to take off, really.

That aside, kudos goes out to all the crashers like Weixuan, Kyung Tae, Joey, Seng Henk and the others who stepped out of their way to come down to help :) Your contributions have really really really helped us accomplish what we did.

In the end, regardless of the position we got, I hope you all had a friggin' blast of an experience during Dramafest 2011 :) You all have helped us end off IHC Aesthetics with the best possible result, and I'm honestly relieved and super grateful to everyone of you.

I'm glad I never stopped believing in you guys :)

Saturday, March 05, 2011

it's easy to say, but | 8:42 AM

but i'm losing.

I wish I could go somewhere that is not school for once and talk.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

facing the giants. | 8:18 AM

I'm immensely grateful for my House Directorate and House Committee for always covering for me when i'm not around and for always being ever-so-dependable to the extent that I get worried about them not-asking-me-about-stuff-because-they-got-everything-settled.

It's kinda ironic in a way, but yes, then I realize that they've done everything else already, and I don't have to worry anymore.

I guess it's been pretty unfair to MR for the past IHC week or so, with all the pairing up between houses and discrepancies in rules for some events that weren't sent out. It's not a very nice feeling to be last - for a few hours on Monday I was avoiding the canteen maybe just to fool myself that we weren't in 5th place.

It's really unfair when people come up to my House D members and say, "We're 5th??! What are you guys doing?"

(At this point of time and emotional state, i'd tell him to screw off, seriously. For the sake of the internet users, I will not utilize any unkind words at this moment. Screw off is a very good euphemism for what I have in mind.)

It's unfair to us if someone says that to us because I don't think 5th place shows any form of reflection of the effort that all 7 (assuming you count Weixuan as 1 entity) of us has put into the past IHC week or so. It's not like we lacked members for anything, it's not like we didn't source hard enough for participants, it's not like we decided to sit back and throw in the towel for different events. All of us put in our heart and soul into IHC, and looking back I don't really know what we could've done to make anything better.

Sometimes we've already tried, and the results are entirely not up to us. I know that results aren't everything, but when you have 1/5 of the school population to answer to, sometimes it does.

Anyway, to my beloved House D (I think only Weixuan knows the existence of this blog) i'm really blessed to have been working with all of you motivated individuals (:

You guys are the very awesomest.